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April 23rd, 2008

11:04 pm - Haven't written in awhile
I never write on here....sorry but I don't want some people to know anything about my life...but I need to vent...

So its the end of the semester, I should be out enjoying myself, but no I can't..in the next week I am working 35 hours on top of moving out and studying. I am soo sick of working. I hate my job and would have quit a long time ago if I would have known that all this shit was going to happen. I am busting my ass to ensure that I have a positive future. I have been working so hard this past year to make money so that I can pay all my bills on top of being financial secure once I'm out of school. Right now I don't get a lot of help from my parents, because I don't want their help. I am an adult and want to depend less on my parents. Right now all my parents pay for is my tuition and gas. I pay for everything else. I pay for my rent, utilities, groceries, dinner, and anything else I want.

I just feel like I can never go out and have fun. I don't want to spend much money, so I rarely want to go out. It makes me feel like I can't enjoy my last couple weeks. Like tomorrow and friday we don't have school, a time to relax...but i have to work both days!!!! I am just soo sick of it....that's all i got for now...back to studying and having no life....
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated

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April 7th, 2007

06:50 pm - this is the point where im stressing out...
so everyone has these great summer plans...me, not even sure what my plans are. i could be in grand rapids, mt.pleasant, or lansing. i have an interview this friday with the grand rapids rampage for an internship. it sounds promising but i dont want to get my hopes up. if i do get it, i will be in grand rapids this summer. i am going to live with nicole, logan's gf, and omg that would be so much fun. BUT if i dont get it, i am going to take summer classes so that i dont fall behind. so if that happens, i have to hurry up and find an apartment up here for the summer. then i have to worry about finding an internship again for the fall or the spring, which means that i have to worry about a subleaser for a semester. pretty much i am going to graduate in may like scheduled. but if i cant find an apartment up here then i will be in lansing and working my ass off all summer, living with my parents once again.

so pretty much it all comes down to if i get this internship this summer. and hopefully i do, because in addition to figuring out all these plans, i have my fall schedule set up so that i only have class tuesday and thursday from 8-12 and then working as much as i possibly can. if i dont get the internship then i have to figure out a new schedule, which would suck at this point, cuz all the good classes are gone....

so lets all hope really hard that i get this internship....and ill be stressing till i hear an answer....sweet...one more thing to worry about...
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: carrie underwood "wasted"

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February 4th, 2007

10:35 pm
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic

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January 24th, 2007

08:59 pm
im soo tired like all the time, i barely have anytime to just relax...like today i had about 30 minutes to relax and pretty much im exhausted all the time, with no way to catch up on my sleep...i can't remember the last time i napped, maybe like september before everything got soo crazy? but this is suppose to help me in the future, make me strong and get a great job...just keep reminding myself that...

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January 21st, 2007

10:30 pm

superbowl i have off and should be interesting since tim's favorite team is the bears and me the colts...could be fun...haha

Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic

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December 28th, 2006

06:52 pm
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...

i am slowly getting more annoyed with doctors and definitely getting more nervous about this whole thing...

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December 12th, 2006

01:17 am
SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! This is really annoying...
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed

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November 24th, 2006

04:27 am
It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you've gotta be
Everything's changin
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through

When I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waitin
with your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
from myself, yes
You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch
Cuz some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday
Well tomorrow may be shaky
But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm cryin
Cuz when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smilin
You always save me from myself
from myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard
But you've broken all my walls
You've been my strength, so strong

And don't ask me why I love you
It's obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
a better woman to myself
to myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

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October 23rd, 2006

01:29 pm
so i only update this when life isnt good...well most of it isnt good...

my mom isnt doing well. its been almost 4 years and pretty much there is no progress. one doctor says she has seizures, the other one says she doesnt. one said she had a mini heart attack, another says she doesn't. the only thing that they are pretty sure on is that she has an irregular heart beat. so last wednesday she went into surgery and has a monitor in her heart. that is something old people have in them. i came home for the night and my parents tell me that. i thought they were kidding at first but then my mom showed me that she has this HUGE scar on her chest. and then i guess this same machine monitoring her heart is all through her body even going down her leg. o how nice to know that my mom is being monitored like an old person. even my parents joked about how there was a bunch of old people in the waiting room with her, and that she was the youngest one in there by far....like 20-30 years younger. great. well i was just getting use to that, when my parents came up saturday for a bday dinner and my mom has this huge bruise on her face and eye. well guess what? she fell again. what does this mean? i have no idea anymore. my mom thought that they would take the monitor out when she fell so that they could see if her falling has anything to do with her heart. i am just scared to death. i keep having these images of my mom falling and not being able to help herself up which results in me not sleeping or me shooting up in my sleep every night

my bday party was fun though, got to see all my loves

my actual bday will suck. im pretty much busy until 6 at night. I have two midterm exams, a paper due, and then i have to go to a focus group about my trial phone that i have, so i pretty much won't be able to celebrate too much until after that.

im just soo damn busy all the time. i barely ever see anyone. and i know everyone thinks i spend all my time with him, lately i have barely even time to see him. thankfully he supports me no matter what so thats nice. but seriously this field study pretty much equals a job that i dont get paid for. then my work at subway, which for some reason dave is now increasing my hours. i have almost as many hours as i did during the summer. i thought he said they were going to cut hours once minimum wage increased? and then school is stressful as hell. with my stupid ass 320 class i have to be in charge of two events on campus which even though we are suppose to have small committees do the events and im just partially in charge of each committee i know that i am still gonna be super stressed out. this semester needed to be over like a month ago. taking 18 credits is eating my ass this semester. and even though im only taking 15 next semester, they are hard classes, so its not gonna get much easier. and then next year (with me only being a senior at that point) i wil have to take two graduate level classes. well i guess technically credit wise i am a senior in decemeber, but still. next decemeber i will be done with my major and minor, but won't have enough credits to graduate so ill either throw in another minor or just take random classes. pretty much the conclusion of that is i can't wait to graduate but until i do, my academic life is going to be hell.

and then i have to find an internship for the summer in order to graduate on time. i will graduate may 08 one way or another. if i get an internship over the summer i will have no problem. im trying to look in michigan, either grand rapids or lansing would be ideal. but ive been talking to the promotions assistant for the indianapolis colts and she seems really interested in me. i started talking with her for a class and well she asked for my resume, she for sure is going to put my resume into the pile for internships. im not getting my hopes up, but that would be sooo amazing if i got an internship there. it would be a dream come true. but ill keep stressing out about getting one. the problem is you apply for them now, and then the interviews are in march/april, and then you find out, so you can't make any future plans, like housing and stuff until after that point...

im just stressed....and will be for quite awhile...
Current Mood: stressedstressed

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September 22nd, 2006

02:26 am - oh yeah
so tonight was soo much fun.  i went to my co-worker's bday party, Tara and saw soo many of my coworkers, who i love at the moment.  Devin, Rachelle, Jessica, Mike, and others are sooo awesome.  at first i felt werid cuz i still feel like the newbie but as soon as we all talked, i felt instantely in the group.  they are awesome and it was weird cuz rachelle and tara are my bosses and they just kept coming up to me telling me how much they loved me.  i for once love working at subway.

life....drama happens, but lets not get into that...im drunk and dpnt wanna saw too much bad stuff.  but the month of october is going to eat my ass.  every weekend i have to work atleast one game for my field study and one weekend i have to work everyday of the weekend.  its not bad, but like for football when your working 9 hours on your feet the whole time with no pay, well its rough.  but im doing it do get a good job in the future. lets hope it works. the only good part about october is my bday and ive already decided that i want a party on the 21st....jordan and i are going to have a combined one, so it will be great. be there if you can

tim is amazing.  he treats me gre
at and thats all i have to say about it.

im freezing from sitting outside all night

devin, wow i cant wait to work with him, he is awesome and thats all i can say....if you meet him you would undterstand

waiting for some piza

but aaron yo u are awesome for driving us home...and added bonus to see him tonight.  thats all...night!
Current Mood: drunkdrunk
Current Music: none bitches!

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